My parents have just celebrated Six Life Sentences or 65 years of marriage, wow, what an achievement. I asked them what was the secret of a happy marriage and Mum said tolerance. They also said never going to bed on an argument, sage advice indeed.
TOLERANCE
I thought about the word tolerance and what that means. Tolerance promotes non-judgmental, open-minded, patient, permissive live and let live attitudes toward diverse people, ideas and practices. In this day and age although we are encouraged to show tolerance, we are also taught to have our own beliefs and stand up or fight for them which might be contradictory to being tolerant towards others.
I guess being tolerant in a marriage is about accepting that we are individuals and have own beliefs, opinions and moral codes. Over the years these might blend together as you live together and have common goals but as we know opposites attract so you might have diverse opinions to your spouse. In being tolerant you accept your partner, warts and all, with unconditional love and understanding and whilst you might challenge their opinions if you disagree, you also allow them to be their own person.
COMPROMISE
I think compromise is also the key. My husband and I have differing opinions on some things but we respect each other’s views and right to be different. We value each other’s happiness so make compromises so that we both feel content.
Mum and Dad met when they were 16, introduced by their parents who were great friends, that’s how it was done in those days and dates consisted of walking through the park and meeting up with friends. They married at 20 and have grown from children into old age pensioners, both coming up to 85 this year.
As I am writing this, I am imagining how they have grown and been shaped over the years by life’s twists and turns. The love they have for each other has always been the bedrock of our family and has expanded to include children, grandchildren and great grandchildren with plenty of love, care and fun to go around.
I don’t think I can ever remember them having raised voices at each other, small niggles maybe, but never a shouting match that I heard.
WHAT IS THE KEY?
What do you think is the key to a happy marriage?
You hear of some people who live separately but remain happily married. I don’t think that would be for me. I like waking up next to my husband, going to bed having a cuddle and chat and sharing all those moments in between, whether it is the minutiae of the day or the larger stresses. I don’t think a late-night phone call to say night, night would be the same, what do you think?
SHARING IS CARING
To me a marriage is about sharing; the special moments, the sadness and day to day living. We share the burdens and the joys.
COMMUNICATION
I have had friends who have split up recently and friends who have discussed their marriages and I am shocked at how many people don’t actually talk to each other! Often because they have been together a while, they assume how the other is thinking or feeling or they feel the other partner would be uninterested in their thoughts, routines or feelings. I am an over sharer (my husband would probably attest to this) but I find it very strange that two people who are in love, or who claim to love each other wouldn’t share every part of their lives.
LOVE
Talking of love, surely love is the bedrock of any marriage? Without love what is the point? Love can change and grow, it is like a plant, it breathes and with proper nourishment can grow and without nurturing can wither and die. Maybe my Dad gives Mum a rose every year of their marriage to signify how their love is still growing and thriving or maybe he does it as a romantic gesture purely because she loves roses but whatever the reason at least on their wedding anniversary they have a symbol of the love that is still their between them and lets hope this continues for many years to come.
Want to read more Blogs?
